May 1st, 2020. 10 years ago today I became a born-again Christian. A decade ago.
Can I be honest?
This past year has tested me in many ways. I feel like I’ve had more questions than answers. More doubt than faith.
But I’ve held on. By His grace alone, I’ve held on.
I often tend to shut down my feelings by comparing them. I remind myself that people are going through much tougher situations. Sometimes I feel pathetic to feel. I hate to feel. And while reminding yourself that others are in worse situations can be a good practice for gratitude, it also seems to be ideal for making your feelings less than.
If you’re like me, I want to remind you that the crashing waves within your heart matter. They matter to God. He does not consider them less than. He does not think they are pathetic. But in the abundance of His love, He will remind us that we were created with the purpose of glorifying Him. He will remind us to look outside ourselves and not act selfishly. He will remind us that this is a moment in eternity. Just a moment. A dot in the expanse of the universe.
And somehow, is it not all still wonderful? Life is filled with mysteries. The fun part is living while not having it all figured out. We’re all just a beautiful mess anyhow. All we can do is hang onto hope.
Hope is the thing with feathers – that perches in the soul – and sings the tunes without the words – and never stops- at all….. -Emily Dickinson
In case you wanted to know, I’m obsessed with the husband and wife music duo Johnnyswim. They recently started what they call “Songs with Strangers” where they compose a song with, you guessed it…a stranger (via IG Live). The story behind this song is one of carrying both hurt and hope. The stranger with whom they composed the song is Rebecca. She shared her journey of being a wife and mother who had to care for her husband as he fought his battle with cancer. He died. A decade ago. She speaks of how she leaned into God through the pain and saw that it was all Still Wonderful. I’ve had this song on repeat all week. (As a tribute to her husband you’ll hear drums at the end. He use to play the drums.)
Feel free to take a listen. (Your love it was holy, sacred, just for me. Still lives in my memory. These lyricssss *I’m not crying!*)
Ten years in Christ. I won’t paint a pretty picture because this is real life. But then again, the uncertainty of it all… the joy… the pain… the falls… the triumphs… the constant motions are precisely what makes it a masterpiece.
And through it all, God is always good. His truth remains. Salvation through His one and only Son remains. We will remain.
May your day be graciously adventurous,