Memorial Day Weekend, early Sunday evening:
I’ve learned that I have a hard time being at home. I have the need to always occupy myself with something. Days like today, where my schedule is open, I find myself alone in my apt with little to do. It’s somewhat early and I don’t have work the next day. So, I’m sitting here feeling a bit lonely. I could go visit family, but I agreed to babysit for my sister who has yet to arrive. I decide to go for a run, which starts fine until my left leg, which has been feeling abnormally sore, begins to bother. Maybe I should go to the doctor, or maybe I should rest it for another week, or maybe I should stretch more (I really need to start stretching more!)
Anyway, I always enjoy those walks or runs that are incited because of a feeling of loneliness, sadness or guilt, as weird as that sounds. But it’s because God, in His loving kindness and grace, always meets me there! Like today, after I decided to show some mercy to my leg, I walked past an empty park and enjoyed the swing all to myself. It was really a time of worship: swinging back and forth, looking to the clouds, feeling the cool breeze & watching it make the leaves dance, hearing the birds’ songs. I also took the opportunity to sing my own songs to the Lord, very loudly. I hope the neighbors forgive me. One song really spoke to me though, “Fix My Eyes on You” by King Kaledioscope. It says, “as I fight to follow, you’re my righteous guide & you train me to delight in all that’s holy. Heal my broken body, cure my crooked stride, throw off every weight & sin that clings so closely. I will run the race enduring for your glory…”
It fills my heart with joy to know that God has transformed our desires so that our delight could be those things which are holy and pure. The fact that we can genuinely yearn to do away with our sin and plead God to cleanse us of our wickedness is astounding. It’s a struggle, but it’s a struggle because we are fighting against our nature to please our God Almighty. Our flesh and our hearts may fail, but God is the strength of our hearts and our portion forever.
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” – Ezekiel 36:26 NIV